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I noticed certain trends develop. People would be ‘saved’, then time would pass, then they would be ‘saved’ again. Rumors were always rampant, and gossip was the currency and status quo. Several times I was approached by senior members of the church and quietly asked if I had ‘accepted the lord into my heart as my person savior’. The truth was that even though I had read the scriptures and learned a great deal about the bible, I had never felt anything in my heart. I prayed, honestly and openly, and yet I never felt anything other than a vacant sensation of talking to myself. So when asked the same inevitable question again, I would tell them the unspeakable — I told them the truth. I told them that when I felt I truly believed and felt the lord’s presence in my life, I would humbly ask of him to accept me and I would be saved, but that at the time I truly didn’t feel his presence in my life. There had to be a reason for it, I thought. I felt I was telling them exactly what I should. Sometimes I look into those big green eyes of hers and she seems to smirk at me, as though saying, ‘I know something you don’t know.’ So when I see confusion in her eyes, I truly worry. I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and the little pitter-patter of feet seemed to fill my ears. I looked behind me and sure enough, there she sat, her large green eyes pointed up at me in curiosity. ‘Yes?’ I asked, rhetorically. She doesn’t often answer my queries, so I didn’t expect a response to my question. I wasn’t disappointed, she just sat there, her eyes fixed on me as I brushed my teeth. The large orbs remained fixed on me and I found myself nervously shifting my weight from foot to foot, urging her to move or blink or any one of the things that would put me at ease. What was going on in her tiny little cat mind? Was she plotting the destruction of the Earth, my demise, or how to get up on the counter without me noticing? Who knows what was going on in her mind, but she would not tear.
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